Dude my mom stole all your condoms
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
