youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
