SEEEEXXX PLEASE
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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