I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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