he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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