So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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