i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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