Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Every concussion has its silver lining
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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