nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
