I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
