yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
