So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
