it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
