Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She's the barista slut.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
