Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
