Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
