South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
