What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
