I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
