She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
