I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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