Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
