the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
