Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
