All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize
