then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
