i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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