i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
