I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
