just come out here and I will go home with you...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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