Duck Duck Cougar?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
