i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
