i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
