My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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