I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
