you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
