so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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