Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
