i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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