Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
