my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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