he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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