im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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