two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
