some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just invented taco cereal.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
