there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
