it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
