he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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