i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize