Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
