So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Panties = found
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
