Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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