you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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