Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
