Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
