All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
