Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
the raccoons are back...
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