She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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